


Something to Gain

by Redribbonhood



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-19 01:07:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14863764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redribbonhood/pseuds/Redribbonhood
Summary: As Shepard leaves Kaidan behind to run for the Catalyst, they both know the score. They know that they're both old soldiers and that heroes rarely got the endings they deserved.





	Something to Gain

## 24/35. A kiss “…in danger” and “…to gain something”

Running into the beam as his fellow soldiers scream and die around him is the easy part. In comparison, at least. Nothing's ever been easy. But seeing Kaidan’s desperate face, hearing his pained plea, _“Don’t leave me behind…”_ , John almost falters. But he knows he can’t. He’s not just doing this for the galaxy anymore; it’s personal. There’s someone he has now, someone who was there at the start, someone who has become the world to him- and he will fight like hell for the chance to hold him again.

He kisses him quickly- there isn’t time for more- and Kaidan’s kiss back is different than usual, a wordless request, a “Come back to me,”. His actual words though- **“I love you too…be safe,”**  as if saying it could make it possible.

But they are old soldiers now, and they both know the score. For all their earlier bravado, they know this is goodbye. Shepard isn’t afraid of death though. Not this time. It’s Kaidan who’s in his thoughts as he aims his gun at the red console. As N7, danger and a violent death almost comes with the job. It is his duty to end things this way no matter how empty the victory feels. But as the explosion shreds apart the last of his shields, it’s Alenko’s face he sees and Shepard knows the fight was worth it.

The pain though…he didn’t think there would be so much _pain_ this time. After dying once, in one of the worst ways possible, he thinks he should be used to it. But he can’t open his eyes, breathing isn’t worth the agonizing effort, and every cell in his body screams agony. Distantly, as if it were happening to someone else, he feels rubble being lifted from his body and feels cold medigel being shot into his skin weave.

He wants to tell them no. No more. He’d already done enough, given enough- he didn’t want to do anymore. Just please, let him rest. Please…

**“Shepard!”**

Under any condition, in any universe, he knows that voice. The emergency medics detect a slight increase in his heartbeat and encourage the Major to keep talking. John doesn’t want words though, words alone wouldn’t be enough to make him want to endure this pain.

It’s from Kaidan’s lips on his- gentle, desperate, salty and wet with tears- that he gains the strength he needs.

—

Kaidan doesn’t mind losing sleep. As a soldier, especially during the war, he’d lost more than a few nights to both duty and restlessness. He suddenly recalls the weeks of insomnia following Shepard’s death three years ago and pushes it from his mind just as fast. This wasn’t going to be like that. Or maybe, in a way, it was. Shepard being taken from him, but coming back…always coming back. He has to come back.

And he does. God, he finally does, and Kaidan’s breath is shaky with both hope and disbelief as his love finally opens his eyes.

When the search and rescue teams had scoured London after the fight, Kaidan had been right there with them. With more medigel in his veins than blood, he’d come limping as fast as he could at a search dog’s frantic barking. He had used his biotics to lift the metal panel off of him before falling to his knees. He recalls kissing John repeatedly, crying, begging him to stay alive. And he does.

It had taken days for Shepard to stabilize, and weeks for him to finally regain consciousness, but he'd stayed alive. Kaidan has hardly left his side the entire time. He squeezes Shepard’s hand, gently encouraging. Eyelids flutter weakly at first, but as the spectre’s eyes adjust to the hospital light and focus on his face, the biotic holds back tears. He can’t describe the happiness. There are no words for moments like this.

Kaidan kisses the back of John’s hand and finally allows himself a shaky smile, the relief is almost overwhelming.

 **“Welcome back, Shepard,”**  he murmurs into their joined hands.  **“God I- I don’t.. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”**

John is too weak to smile but he thinks, surely, this must be heaven. He hadn’t wanted to die, but if it meant being with Kaidan again, forever…this end was more than ok.

 **“You’ll never find out,”**  he promises, a few days later when he has the strength to speak again. He kisses Kaidan again, slowly, this time to gain reassurance. He knows now that they’re both- _somehow-_ still alive, but sometimes it all seems too good to be true. With each kiss, Kaidan is happy to remind him that this is real.

**Author's Note:**

> "I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love. We are good people and we've suffered enough." - Nikka Ursula
> 
> Part of a "50 Kisses" Writing Prompt request. My first ever attempt at M/M


End file.
